Hey there, welcome to the second installment of
Three Easy Steps to Teach Your Kids to Clean. In this post we are talking about the steps for prepubescents, and tweens.
Here is the thing about this age of kids... They are at this point where they want to act more adult-like... anything you do, they will copy it. So if you are having issues with your own upkeep, be sure to check out my other post on Self-Scheduling. If you aren't on a schedule, its really hard to teach your kids how to do much of anything. There is not necessarily a lack of trying, but more of a lack of consistency. You might want to do some self-reflection before really giving this whole thing a go. When parents are doing well, kids do even better. You can do the thing!
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| If you want a tween to listen, this is not the way to do it. |
Getting a tween to listen can be hard... like really hard. Like, almost infuriating. Welcome to the stage in your kids life that parents are starting to be uncool, and they will do everything to push you away, not express themselves they way they used to, and pretty much shut you out the more you yell and lose your cool. Seriously, don't lose your cool. Never lose it in front of them. You are trying to teach wild tweens how to be responsible, don't be irresponsible with your emotions.
Do you remember getting yelled at when you were a kid to clean your room? I do. Did it make me want to do it? Nope. I didn't want to. I
had to. There is a difference. If kids
want to clean their room, then they will most likely do it on their own. Sounds impossible, improbable, and complete fantasy... but seriously, think about it for a second. When you are at work, and your boss is so far up your butt... it makes for a really crappy work enviorment. It really does. And what do you end up doing? Looking for a new job elsewhere. So, as a parent, you are kind of like a manager. Be a good manager. Nobody likes a crabby boss :)
So here are your three steps for Prepubescents and Tweens:
Step One: CONSISTENCY!!
If there is one thing that my tween hates, its I'm up her butt. "Did you make your bed?" has been something that if I had a dollar for, Wifey would make me at least $6 every morning. Over time, Brainy has gotten the hang of it. She's pretty good about it now. It's almost a part of her morning routine, and she's quite proud of herself. If their room is a complete mess, and they are overwhelmed, offer to help out for a select amount of time. If Artsy's room is a disaster, well.. I'm going to offer ten to fifteen minutes of time to help her out. I'm not going to do it all, but I am going to help. I encourage her to do it. Take it as a teachable moment. Life is full of those. Remember, you are raising little people -- NOT CHILDREN. They grow more and more everyday, and if they can learn these things now, they will become really good at adulting when they are adults. Keep at it! It takes about a month for kids and adults to start up a new routine! Don't give up!!
Step Two: SET A GOOD EXAMPLE OF WHAT YOU WANT YOUR CHILD TO DO, AND MEET YOUR OWN EXPECTATIONS.
You can't expect a tween to make their own bed if you don't do it yourself. You can't expect a tween to pick up after themselves -- if you don't do it too. If you are not on a schedule, work on getting on one, and as a leader, they will follow your lead. To expect kids to have this down NOW is to seriously set them up for failure. Be the role-model they need. Be the awesome parent you want to be!
Step Three: REINFORCE THE GOOD!!
Some people use allowance as a reinforcement tool -- and if you can afford it in this economy, I envy you. But here is the thing, positive reinforcement can come in several different ways. Artsy's guidance counselor is awesome, and one of the things that we have talked about in the past is positive reinforcement. Its been a good way to get her to do things that we want to do. A lot of what has worked for Artsy is verbal praise. It works with Brainy as well.
About a week or so ago, I walked into Brainy's room, and it was IMMACULATE! I didn't say anything, I was busy, but I didn't take the time to say "Hey, B! Nice job on the room! Looks awesome, keep it up!" Being busy is not an excuse. Its not. Positive reinforcement has to be consistent. Over the course of the next three days, Brainy's room was an absolute disaster. It was probably the worst I have seen it since we put the girls in their own rooms. I talked to her about it. And that brought us back to..
Step One: "Hey, B. When was the last time your floor was vaccumed? ... Oh, wow. Say, what are your thoughts on tidying up your room so we can take care of that?... Sounds good. Enjoy your practice session."
Step Two: "Rooms coming along a bit slow, would you like some help? ... Not a problem, I've got about 10 minutes or so to spare before I have to make dinner. Do you think we can knock this out before then?... Lets do this!!"
Step Three: "Nice hustle! I thought this was going to take so much longer for you to do, but you blew me away! Only 20 minutes to get your room done? WOAH! High five!!"
Lets just say Brainy's room has been kept up for about 86% of the time since. It's pretty awesome.
Sounds a bit like Part One doesn't it? Here is Part Three, and that covers teenagers.
